The Story of Optimization

In the entrepreneur space, I see a lot of arguments that work-life balance is a myth. I whole-heartedly disagree with that, but not because there is no merit to the argument, rather they are starting from a misguided premise. 

When I hear (predominantly) men arguing against work-life “balance,” they are claiming that balance means a concrete 50/50 split. They are also arguing that prioritizing balance pulls focus from their ambition, which might require more time and attention. 

First and foremost, balance is about proportionality and weighted distribution to keep something - in this case yourself - steady. So already we are dispelling the story of balance as an even 50/50 split. To help avoid confusion, though, let’s use harmony instead of balance to capture this idea of proportionality to steadily sustain a whole. 

Now, once we get past the sensational headline and this misguided story of balance, what a lot of these entrepreneurs seem to be talking about is optimization. Your time and attention are the most limited resources you have, which makes them the most valuable. In order to achieve work-life harmony, we need to optimize our time and attention. 

We are not talking about weighing things on a scale and dividing them evenly, we are talking about walking along a balance beam or tightrope.

We often use our arms, foot position, and other muscle groups to help provide a counter-balance so that we don’t fall. The better we get at that, the easier it becomes to walk smooth and straight along the wire. The same is true for optimization, it is a skill to practice not a system of measurement

In our tightrope analogy, you can see there is a lot of multitasking involved in the beginning. We are thinking about engaging our core, using our arms, the position of our feet, we might be looking down at the rope to keep our footing, and oh no, why won’t our legs stop shaking etc. Think of these as the many tasks on our to-do list, all of the demands placed on us to keep the lights on at home and at work and to keep our personal and professional relationships together. When we are so fixated on all of these things, we lose sight of where we are going. 

This is where you need to start. It’s not about choosing one thing over another and it’s not about trying to do both exactly the same amount. That’s not going to get you where you want to go. In order to optimize your time and attention, you need to know what you value and why. That is your compass. It could be a specific goal, but your missing the plot if you start with the goals. Your values shape your narrative and create the plot, the goals are what drive it. They come next.

So first you need to figure out what your values are, what are your priorities and why do they matter to you. This is what puts everything else into perspective. This is what helps us stay grounded and centered. In the tightrope analogy, this is engaging our core before we even step foot on the wire. 

Then, and only then, do you develop your goals. You know what you value and why, you are centered. So you step onto the wire with your core engaged and feel what needs attention. On the tightrope, your lower body is what needs to be the most stable to get you across. The upper body can be more flexible and helps provide the counterbalance to keep your lower body aligned with your core and centered on the wire. Whichever values are what keep you steady and keep you going, whatever part of your life reflects that, that’s your lower body. Your upper body reflects the things that support that part of your life and alleviate the pressure.

So you step on the tightrope and maybe you notice right away that your legs are already shaking. This becomes your priority, or your first goal. But here’s the most important part for optimization. Are they shaking because you need to give them more attention and focus or are they shaking because they’re not getting any help from your upper body? The answer to that question is what determines where your attention needs to be directed. 

When I and other mental health professionals talk about work-life balance - or work-life harmony. This is what we mean. Not a 50/50 split. But rather recognizing what area of your life is creating the most amount of mental, emotional, and physical stress and optimizing your time and attention to the parts of your life that will help mitigate or relieve that stress. 

Remember how I said this was a skill not a measuring tool? The more practice you have at recognizing which parts of your life are causing stress and which parts of your life will alleviate that, the better you become at optimizing your time and attention along the way. If you keep practicing, by the time you get halfway across that tightrope, you aren’t even thinking about optimizing, you are just doing it by second nature. 

That may sound like a fantasy, but I promise you it’s attainable. This comes from my own lived experience and while I may not be a multi-millionaire yet, life is a marathon not a sprint. I’ve still got a lot of tightrope left to walk and I’m just getting started. Whether or not that’s true for you, I’m here to help you out.