Why I care about burnout and leadership
When it comes to burnout and leading change, I learned the hard way about what not to do and how our own experiences and stories can block us from the life and success we dream of.
In May of 2014, when I was living and working in Honduras, I experienced an extremely traumatic event at the hands of a so-called friend. I held this story close to my chest for a long time out of fear, but that fear was making me sick.
Just as I started to let it go, it came time to leave. So I left my supportive community in Honduras for a couple months in my parents’ remote home in Colorado before moving to New York City. One week with the house all to myself, I learned that a deeply beloved friend died unexpectedly halfway around the world.
I had barely managed to keep myself together that year. Losing Houssem broke me down completely.
And then I moved to New York for a graduate program at Columbia University. The reverse culture shock was a cherry on top of a chaotic trauma sundae. While I was no stranger to the city, New York was overstimulating, keeping me in a state of constant hyper-vigilance, and Columbia was…an ivory tower in multiple senses.
I nearly killed myself trying to adapt, survive, and set myself up for a high level career in international humanitarian work. The only thing that got me through was my tenacity and the camaraderie of my roommate Ali.
My third year in the program, I pushed myself past my limits. I was drowning in too many projects and commitments. I bent over backwards trying to prove my value to an organization full of burnt out and disillusioned leaders. I worked diligently on two research projects that addressed critical humanitarian issues. And I took my money’s worth of course credits (aka a full course load) to ground my skills and experience in evidence and theory.
I tried to do it all and stay “mentally tough.” The communities I worked with throughout my career experienced oppressive adversity. So when it came to my own struggles, my mantra was “worse things happen to better people.” It kept my head above water…until it didn’t.
The truth is, that mantra didn’t serve anyone. All it did was force me to repress and neglect aspects of my mental and physical health that needed critical attention. By February 2018, everything I thought I was building fell apart.
After questioning every decision I ever made that led me to this point of burnout and existential despair, I decided to take a chance and move to Albuquerque. I needed to be somewhere close to family, where I could regain some sense of stability and clarity away from toxic hustle culture.
It was an enormous leap of faith. My entire career was focused on global challenges and opportunities. Domestication had not been in my 5-year plan. Staying stateside and especially moving to a rural state far from coastal employment epicenters felt like career suicide.
All my fears subsided as I quickly landed on my feet, finding a good job, a great home, and the peace I needed to recover and become the person who can help and support others. Life in New Mexico offered me immense perspective both personally and professionally. I have no regrets.
My story is not unique. I know there are several leaders out there who have passed through their own crucibles and danced with their demons to get to where they are. The lessons learned and the skills gleaned are invaluable, especially in navigating change and frontiers of innovation.
My mission - corny as it may sound - is to be a grounding light amidst the chaos, guiding leaders who may be struggling to remain oriented amidst storms of uncertainty, overwhelm, and doubt.
My clients come to me because they want to work in a way that makes them come alive and stay inspired. Through collaboration, we build on their strengths and form habits and routines that stand the test of time, no matter the obstacles that cross their path.
If this is of interest to you, let’s connect and revolutionize our livelihoods for the better.
